My Insurance Adjuster

He's precise and professional. The one everyone wants to handle their claims. He climbs roofs, visits police-marked hit and run scenes, takes stock of damaged trees, measures entire buildings in a single hour. Has chiseled biceps and long shapely fingers with immaculate squared nails. But I digress.

My adjuster is a gift, a surprise, an unusual package: kind, appreciative, ice hockey goalie, bi-cultural wealth of knowledge, a well disciplined smartass, anime fan, family man, creative with language and with embrace. Our opposite natures ignite.

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I must have burned off some karma and progressed in the realm of relationships to have been presented with another go at romance. And yet, it is not full scale. Perhaps this is what romance looks like around the edges of 60, he on one side and I on the other, Plus - we both have exes who left us materially stranded. We work hard, lacking time and capital for exotic vacations, expensive shows, or fancy meals.

And - despite his routine of morning and evening texts, bi-weekly visits, and invitations to his home - my anime fan is not all in. Until last Saturday I was not either. The thing that melted my remaining objections - to a somewhat military bearing, guns in the house, a different political affinity - was his response to my blog...the first to send a message through the site...

I find the blog captivating. A small window to the mind and soul of a beautiful woman and human being. "Warriorship" reminded me of my own struggles...maybe you can shed some more light on the subject.

Dare I say it? Sometimes the most thoughtful people are not liberals! Imagine that. I now have two good friends, sister, and my adjuster who vote quite differently than I. Plus people I work with - such as the oilman turned priest board member who is a proud conservative gun-toter. Even my sweet. white haired meditation teacher used to be a Texas Republican, but she changed allegiance after becoming Buddhist.

So what's the teaching here? Mr. Adjuster says we get what we need when we need it. When I told him I struggle with depression he said, "Isn't it Buddhist to be at peace wherever you find yourself?" I told him yes, exactly. And also I'm not a perfect Buddhist.

His reading my blog - three months after we began dating - opened a new level of intimacy. I asked him if he considered me his girlfriend. He said yes and no and looked at me as if there were something he didn't want to say, something that might hurt my feelings. It brought on a mini-panic - fear of being abandoned - but I did not let on.

This morning before dawn I took The Sun In My Heart by Thich Nhat Hanh from my bookshelf. This passage exhorted me to be gentle with my self...

Like the physical sun, which lights every leaf and every blade of grass, our awareness lights our every thought and feeling...Do not have a war there: for all your feelings - joy, sorrow, anger, hatred - are part of yourself...Awareness is...gentle and attentive...there to guide and enlighten.

During the meditation that followed, I found myself opening my arms in a gesture of embrace. Tears of relief rose up and the day ahead seemed less daunting.

Insurance adjuster image thanks to https://pixabay.com/users/peggy_marco-1553824/?utm_source=link-attribution&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=image&utm_content=2566434